Part 16

Elisa was in a daze. It was too much to take in. Apparently, since she was gone and did not keep in touch, so many things had happened. Ben’s mother contracted pneumonia and thought that she did not have much time left, when suddenly she recovered. As a nurse, and someone who was so close to the family once, Elisa felt bad that she was not with her during her tough time in the ward.

And then Ben. Apparently since the day they bumped into each other, he could not stop thinking about her. Night after night, he kept on having weird and confusing flashes of their time spent together. He saw her in his dreams; he alleged that he dreamt of her every night.  Laura’s demands were starting to get on his nerve, and he felt that there was no more chemistry between them and he felt bad about giving hope to the poor girl.

Not long after that, though, his colleague saw Laura with another guy, and, apparently, she was two-timing him the whole time since he was transferred to a new workplace, as he was unable to spend time with her. She was a pathetic little attention-getter that she could not live without a man’s attention. She was not malicious about it, though, as she was simply too childish and pampered by her parents. Without any guilt, Ben broke up with her, which then left the issues of him wanting to try again with her hanging in the air between them, and Elisa didn’t know what to do about that.

“I will always support your decision that would make you happy, love,” her mom had said, when she told her everything. Now she was torn. What should she do?

“He did not mean to hurt you. He did not get over you. His brain just went out on him. If you love him, you should go back to him.” His tone serious, Ali was looking at her intently. “Best man wins,” he said, and added, “and I know that we’ll never be together anyway. You were too innocent for me,” he crinkled his nose and laughed. She could not help but laugh too.

“Actually, you’re too naughty for me,” she responded and he made a face. That was the last time they’d talked about it. Since then, Ali was treating her like how they used to be, like colleagues.

And the last time she saw him was at his family’s house. “Elisa, I love you. I always do. My stupid brain hid those feelings from me for so many months, and I was really dead the whole time I was not with you. Please give us another chance. I don’t want to waste any more seconds of my life without you,” he had said when they had the chance to talk. She did not respond. She just walked away.

And now, she was staring at a box of things that she had sent to him the day she left. He returned them; obviously he’d rummaged through them. On top of the bulk, he wrote a note. A ring fell when she opened the pretty pal green envelope. Her engagement ring that she returned to him!

I love you. I hope that you love me too. Will you [again] marry me? –Ben-

It was so simple and so touching that she could not stop crying. She took out her handphone and texted him.

Yes.

The end.

Part 15

“Mom was ill for weeks. But she’s got better since last week, that’s why we’re throwing this thanksgiving. Besides, we have one more thing to be thankful for,” Nina explained, hurriedly when Elisa was seated on Nina’s bed. She was embarrassed that she swooned moments ago when she saw Ben’s mother, though it was a good thing, as they left her and Nina to talk it out.

Elisa’s head was spinning. Being back in the familiar house, staring back at Nina, who looks so much like him, being within the same vicinity of him and his family that was almost hers, did that to her. She thought that she was stronger than this.

“Don’t you want to know what another reason for us to be thankful for is?” Nina asked, smiling from ear to ear. Elisa gulped. Somehow her heart was beating so fast. She shrugged.

“Sure, why not,” she forced a genuine smile to form on her lips.

“Well, it’s a happy news for me, and it makes me start hoping again,” Nina said, fidgeting with the small towel in her hands. “But then, I know I shouldn’t say that because, well, after all it’s not my life to, well, you know,” she was now pacing back and forth in her room as she said it, not looking Elisa in her eyes at all.

“I don’t quite know how to break this to you, as, you know, I should not meddle, and mom told me to keep it a secret because he would want to tell you himself,” and now she was stammering.

“Nina, what is it?” Elisa said, cutting to the chase. Her anticipation is killing her and she wished that Nina would just spit it out.

“Wait, he? Did you say that by mistake or you really meant that your mom is male?” Elisa queried, which Nina responded by laughing out loud.

“Gosh, no, sis. Of course my mom is female and of course I did not say that wrongly,” Nina seemed to be contemplating for a while still pacing. She seemed to be considering a lot of things, which cause Elisa’s heart to pound harder and harder in her chest.

Frustrated, Elisa takes a deep breath and said, “For goodness’s sake, Nina,”

Finally Nina stopped her pacing, sat in front of her on the bed and looked straight into her eyes.

“Promise me you won’t freak out?”

“Ok,”

“Do you promise?”

“Yes, sure. Come on, just tell me,” Elisa urged, impatient. All sorts of possibilities flashed through her mind. What might it be?

“And don’t tell mom I told you,” Nina added in a stern warning.

“OK, yes, I won’t.”

“Sis..... My brother has remembered everything...”

Elisa’s mouth went agape. 

To be continued...

Part 14

Taking a deep breath, Elisa carefully walked towards the house that she knew so well. She used to be welcome there for so many years that, she’d seen how it transformed from a small, four-bedroom terrace house to a comfortably large,  spacious six bedroom beauty.  Nothing much has changed since the last time she was here, months ago. The lawn was carefully kept, the colourful flowers bloom gloriously under tender loving care, and everything was as neat as always.

Curious, as supposedly his mom was ill since the last few weeks, and yet she was the one taking care of this lawn, as far as she knew. The lawn was spotless. Elisa’s gaze searched through the familiar place and finally rested on the thing she was looking for. On the ground, next to his mother’s favourite mini orchid garden, was a small stone, where she and Ben had written their names on years ago when they started dating. At the time they said that their love will stay solid, and unmoved, just like the rock. Look at what’s happened now, she thought sadly. They were all childish games and beliefs that they should have long forgotten.

After a while, she summoned the strength to press the doorbell on the huge sliding, wrought iron gate. A few second ticked by without a sound. Then, the main entrance was slowly opened and Nina’s face appeared. She didn’t seem surprised, so Ben must have informed her of Elisa’s arrival beforehand.

“Hey, gosh it’s really been a while,” Nina opened the gate for her and they embraced, as per usual.

“You look fabulous.” Nina said, “But a bit thin, though,” she added. Elisa just smiled as memories after memories started to envelop her. This place, Nina, it was too much. She almost spun around and left when suddenly Ben’s father appeared.

“Elisa, you’re here,” he was smiling broadly at her, making her feel so bad inside. He extended his hand, which she shook and kissed respectfully. “How have you been?” he asked, the moment she stepped back.

“Good,” was all that she could manage.

The three of them stood there for a while before he finally broke the silence. “Come on in,” he invited, gesturing towards the direction of the main entrance to the house.

“Sure,” she said, grimacing inside. Is she really ready for this?

Biting her lower lips, Elisa followed Ben’s father into the house. The house was in semi-darkness. The curtains were drawn and, well, they all seem weird to her, somehow.

“How’s your mom, Nina?” she queried, looking around the house. Most of the furniture looked just like the way they were since the last time she came. Her gaze fell on a framed photo placed in a glass cabinet. It was not so prominent, yet she could not understand why it was still kept there. Surely it was in the past?

Unpredictably, she saw a shy smile on Nina’s lips. “Uh, look, actually..”

“SURPRISE!!!” Elisa jumped at the shouts and spun around so fast, her head was spinning. What is going on?

To be continued...

Part 13

My mom is ill. She asks to see you. This is my number 01x-xxxxxxx

–Ben–

Elisa read and reread the simple note in her hands. Apparently Ben came to the hospital and asked to see her. She was sending a patient to a radiotherapy centre and was away. She’d toyed with the idea of calling Ben’s sister, but she hadn’t done that since the day she left.

Truth be told, she was reluctant. She feared that if she keeps in touch with her, she might never get over Ben. She might always want to ask about Ben. And, worse of all, she might hear news about Ben – Heartbreaking news. She didn’t think she could do it, at least not now when her hart still felt so raw.

Ali sat in front of her, holding a mug of hot cocoa.

“OK, you’ve stared at your food long enough. When are you going to eat?” Ali’s voice broke her out her reverie.

“Ben’s mom is ill,” she said simply. “She wants to see me,” she handed him the note in her hands and shrugged. “I don’t know what to do,”

Ali read the note and carefully placed it on the table. He loved this girl in front of him so much, despite knowing her for slightly more than three months. She’s a beautiful girl, inside and out. She’s generous, caring, loving and she was broken. He can’t help but to hate the man that was the cause of her tears, and worries.

He wished he could help her mend her heart, but she made it clear that she’s not ready yet. He’d had to settle with her friendship. Lately he’s been seeing progress. She was smiling, occasionally laughing and she seemed to be much improved. Seeing her like this, in yet another dilemma was paining him.

“I think you should go. She was never nasty to you, and well, you don’t want to live in regrets if you don’t go,” he said, reluctantly but it was an honest opinion.

She seemed to be considering his opinions seriously.

“I’ll think about it,” she said finally. “Thanks Ali. You’re a great pal,” she said, trying to smile but ended up grimacing.

“You know you can count on me. Now eat. Your patients are waiting,” he said, finishing his drinks and left the pantry.

After toying with her food for another minute or two, Elisa took out her hand phone and dialled before she lost her courage. It was now or never.

A few rings later and the other person picked up. With trembling voice, Elisa spoke “Hi, Ben, it’s me, Elisa.”

To be continued...

Part 12

             “So that was Ben.” Ali was straight to the point. As always.

             “Yep,” she said simply.

   

“Are you OK?” he asked, looking at her intently. Elisa stopped writing her report and took a deep breath.

“I don’t know,”

********

 Back in his office, Ben was trying to do his work, but in vain. He couldn’t stop thinking about his dreams last night. It was during her graduation day, their last memory together before the accident. He dreamed of the dinner that they shared after the ceremony in the afternoon. Her family had returned home to give them time together, as he was supposed to go on an outstation for three months after that. He’d looked at her all night, thinking that she was the most beautiful girl on earth, and he’s the luckiest man alive to have her by his side.

After their accidental meeting today, he kind of still believed in that. She was beautiful. And he was a lucky man who can't remember anything.

His phone rang. It was Laura. He hesitated.

“Yep?” he said nonchalantly.

“Ben. I’m in a mud, you’ve got to help me,” she sounded really serious that he shifted in his seat.

“What happened?’ he asked, his concerns riding high in his voice.

“I need to buy a dress soon. My office dinner is coming up, please, please, let us go and shop later?” she said with her usual singsong childish tone. He bit the inside of his cheek to prevent from saying things he might regret.

“I’ve got a meeting tonight. Can’t you go with your friends?” he replied, annoyance rising in his voice. What did he ever like about this girl in the first place? She’s childish, demanding, spends way too much and she needs constant attention even though she knows that he has other responsibilities.

“Aw.... I just want to spend some time with you. We could, you know, have some coffee afterwards or something. I missed you,” she whined, and he imagined that she was pouting.

He took a deep, calming breath. He can never say no to her, because she’d just pester him again and again until he agreed. But he really couldn’t afford to spend time with her at the moment. He just moved to this new place. He hasn’t even got settled in yet. The drive to pick her up and send her back would take hours. Shopping and her idea of having coffee would take even more hours. He just couldn’t do that yet.

“I’m sorry I can’t today, well, perhaps next weekend?” he suggested.

“Well, the dinner is this weekend. Come on, love, pretty please?” she said again, and he felt sick.

“I can’t. Which part of the words that you can’t understand?” he snapped. “I’ve got work to do, I’ll talk to you later,” he ended the call and switched off his phone.

Rubbing his palm on his face, Ben sighed deeply.

To be continued...

Part 11

             It’s been three months since she sent him the letter, and three months of no longer being engaged to him. Yet the stinging pain was still there, as if it just happened yesterday. She read and reread his text messages over the years to her every night. Their pictures together have been removed and kept in a DVD. One day, she might have the courage to throw the DVD away. For the time being, she needed that to remind her that it was real. Their 6 years together was real.

Work was getting better and better. She was terrible at it in the beginning, as she’d left the profession for so long during her break. Now she was getting the hang of it. In fact, work and her new colleague were helping her loads in her path towards recovery.

Apart from that, someone has taken a keen interest in her. She’s been putting him off as gently as she could, hoping that he would get the hint and move on.  

That day, she was assigned to buy some decorative items for their ward annual party. She went to the supermarket nearby the hospital with several other colleagues, who soon left to get their own things except for Ali, who was her partner in the organising committee.

“Hey, Elisa, check this out,”

She turned and shrieked as the slimy thing that was held in front of her registered. Ali was holding out a big fat, gooey green thingy which contained an eyeball. A fake one, of course. In reflex, she hit his hand away while he was laughing hysterically.

“That’s low....!!” she said, hitting him with a plastic hammer on his shoulder. “Come on, let’s get this over and done with. I need to get some nap before my shift tonight,” she spun around and bumped into a guy who was holding a box filled with tassels and stuffs. The box slipped from his clutch and everything spilled out onto the floor.

“OMG, I’m so sorry,” without further ado she squatted, helping the guy to collect his things. When she finally raised her eyes to look at him, her heart literally stopped beating.

Her mouth went dry, and suddenly her heart was hammering her chest as if it was about to burst out any second. How could it be? She was much too aware of her trembling hands as she stood, with him following suit.

“Ben,” he seemed so cool. He looked gorgeous, as always. He seemed happy, as though there’s a glow about him that made him that way. It must’ve been his love for that girl.

But how come he’s here?

“I was transferred here. Yesterday,” he said, as if reading her mind.

At that moment, Ali returned with their paid for purchase. “Come on, let’s go back,” he said, nudging Elise on her shoulder.

A sudden stab of jealousy flashed through Ben at the mere contact. He didn’t understand why. He still can’t remember any feelings towards Elisa. He’s madly in love with Laura and, well, Elisa is no longer his fiancée. He felt confused and they both were at loss for words. Elisa seemed to recover first, and finally excused herself.

“Sure,” he said casually. As she walked away, and he was picking his box up, only did he notice that his palm was sweaty.

         To be continued...

Part 10

Dear my love, Ben.

By the time you read this, I am already away. Away from this town, away from you. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for everything that you’d given me, all those times that we’d shared, and all those happiness that you’d brought into my life.

                Since I met you, I was a completely a different person; one that I much prefer, too. Thank you so much for that.

I would also like to take this opportunity, to ask for your forgiveness, if I’d ever hurt you, or offended you, and every mistakes I’d made that might’ve caused you inconvenience.

I know you can’t remember me, or everything else between us. So I feel that I need to forget about those memories too. Hence, enclosed with this letter is everything you’d given me that I feel I must return to you. I’ve put away everything else. They’re in a box in my room at home. You may have those too, if you want. Just ask from my brother and he’ll give them to you.

I may have been out of your mind, but you will never be out of mine. I suppose, I have to be strong and be grateful that, finally, my prayers all these while was answered. You’ve finally found someone who makes you happy. Although it was not me, as I had once desperately hoped for, I would still like to congratulate you.

One more thing, I would like to thank you for giving me the honour of wearing this engagement ring, albeit for no more than five months. It was time for me to return it to you, and hopefully, this will be given to someone worthy of your love, and loyalty.

Do take care, Ben. I wish you luck and happiness. Mostly, I wish you love.

p/s: this paper is the same one I used to write you when you were in training years ago. It’s the last one in my possession, too.

                                                                                                                             Yours truly,

                                                                                                                                 Elisa.

True enough, the simple engagement ring fell out of the envelope at the right moment, and rolled underneath his desk. Ben watched it roll away, his mind blank, his heart void of any emotion. He fetched the box which contained the heart-shaped paper with his and Elisa’s name on it. On the paper, he had written “My love Elisa, please keep my heart, and keep it well. Yours always, Ben.”

There was a soft toy in the shape of a hippopotamus, a mechanical pencil, some jewelleries and a couple of notebooks.  He found out that the notebooks contained their shared diaries, letters written to each other throughout their years in high school. He flipped through the book, hoping to feel anything. Nothing. I can’t feel anything, I can’t remember anything. I’m sorry.

To be continued...

Part 9

“Thank you so much for everything auntie,” she bent to kiss Ben’s mother’s cheeks and hugged her tight. “I’m sorry that it has to end this way,” Elisa smiled despite her tears. It was time for her to go reporting for duty. She’d asked his mother to meet somewhere outside, so that she don’t have to bump into Ben.

“We’re sorry to see you go like this, Elisa. You were already almost a part of our family,” she was crying too, something Elisa had rarely seen.

Next she went to embrace Nina, Ben’s youngest sister. They were so close; they were practically sisters by blood. Naturally it was difficult for her to say goodbye, knowing that this will be the last time she’ll see them. It would be too painful for her to visit his family once the engagement was broken. It would be too much for her to endure.

“I hate Laura,” Nina whispered with vehement. “I hate to see you go,” she cried, not wanting to let Elisa out of her embrace. “Why did it come to this, sis? Why?” she was rocking with the intensity of her and it broke Elisa’s heart again and again.

“Shhhhh... don’t hate her. Don’t hate anyone. We’re not meant to be, that’s all,”

She held Nina’s face in her hands. “Hey, look, we can still be friends, OK?”

“Promise?”

I don’t know. “I promise,” she hoped she sounded convincing enough.

“Take care, Elisa. And we wish you good luck on your undertakings,” Ben’s father said, as she shook his hand and kissed it respectfully.

“Thank you, uncle,” she tried to force a smile on her face.

“Dave, Nick, please look out for your brother. And thank you for everything,”

The two boys nodded, not able to look her in the eyes. There was nothing anyone can do, because Ben had made his decision. They exchanged several pleasantries, and finally, she placed the last of their offerings into her car and drove off to the new place where her new life will begin. From now on, she is free to go and explore her own live. She is a free woman, and she will have to be independent.

Goodbye, my love. She closed her eyes, for a moment savouring the last of her memories of him being with her, remembering all the dreams that they’d created together, and all those shared moments of happiness. I will think of you, always.

With that, she drove off into the sunset.

To be continued...

Part 8

They went to the zoo together. A few years ago, they’d been here, on a school visit, and that was the day he told her he loved her. They’d walked the ground of the zoo together, talking, seeing, having fun and time had passed by so quickly for them both.

Elisa kept looking at him, praying against hope that something would trigger his memory. She took him to the bird sanctuary, where they’d fed the birds with some chips they’d bought. They’d sat underneath the big tree at the centre of the sanctuary, on a bench, and took photos. They’d also had a tube of ice cream at the cafe, and talked about nothing and everything at once.

This time, things were quite stiff between them. She could feel that his presence there was only half-heartedly. Silently, though she tried to be as animated as she could, she already knew it in her heart, that it was not going to work.

Finally, she took him to the souvenir shop, where he’d bought her the bracelet that she was wearing that day.

“Before we left this zoo, we stopped by here,” she began, as they both entered the shop. “I went to the counter to admire the bracelets there,” she pointed, and he hesitantly went to the counter. The girl behind it smiled encouragingly.

“I had no money, though, so I walked away. When you saw me so keen on it, you secretly bought it for me,” she smiled at the memory. “I was surprised. You didn’t have much money, too. Then you went from behind me and told me to close my eyes,” she closed her eyes, remembering, savouring the memories as they flow all over her, so powerful, that her heart was screaming at the unjustness of the world. Why, oh why did she have to go through this situation?

As her heartbeat accelerated, and she felt her chest heaving with the intensity of the memory, she took out her hand and showed him, “Then you put this on my wrist,” and she opened her eyes. They looked at each other for a heartbeat, with her, hoping that he would feel something, anything at all. His eyes seemed sad, so soulfully sad, that she knew what he was about to say.

She swallowed with such difficulties, battling whether to let him say it, and have her heart broken all over again, or not allow him to say anything, with the understanding that her time is already up.

She didn’t have to make the decision, though, because suddenly his phone rang, and the moment was lost. He flipped his phone out, his eyes apologetic, “It is Laura,”

Elisa nodded and turned away, back to her car. With eyes blinded with her tears, she drove off without another word.

To be continued...

Part 7

She sensed something was wrong the moment she received his text, asking to meet. But she got ready anyway, wearing the t-shirt that he bought her for their anniversary hoping to aid his return of memory. Lately she felt that he is getting further withdrawn away from her. He no longer answered her calls, and when she asked him through text message, he would say he didn’t notice as he was in bathroom, or was out with friends, or anything else that seemed absurd to her.

However, she didn’t show how disappointed she was feeling, or how painful she was feeling, having to see him slip away from her. She still treated him with kindness, and patience. She knew she should not force him to remember if he could not. That was the right thing to do.

“Hey there,” she said. He was already waiting for her that their designated meeting spot. He inclined his head in acknowledgement. Her heart ached to see his unsmiling face, knowing that she was about to be presented with a bad news of some sort.

“Sorry I was late, um, you see I was looking for this t-shirt that you bought me last year...” she gave a little twirl, “I thought, you know, it might help you remember,” she finished, taking a seat beside him.

The moment she sat down, a long silence stretch between them. He was thinking about how he was going to break it to her in the gentlest manner possible.

“I have something to tell you...”

“Ben, would you like to get a drink...” they said at the same time.

She laughed. “Um, you first,” she said, smiling.

He took a deep breath. “Elisa, I, um, met someone,” he started, and her smile went dead. “I think I’m falling in love with her,” he continued, as her world crumbled and thunder clashed in her head. She felt her heart slowly, inch by inch being sliced apart.

“Ok,” she mustered her courage and blurted it out. “So you want to end us,”

He was silent, keeping his sight on the ground, he nodded slowly.

Her lips were quivering, and she could feel her hands trembled as she played with their engagement ring on her finger.

“Uh, will you give me one last chance to try and make you remember? Please?” she knew she was grovelling, and she did not care. If she wanted to try and win his heart, she’s got to forget about her dignity for this time. 

He was silent again for the longest time. Why, Elisa? What is the point? My heart is already with that girl. It is too late for us. He thought.

Elisa could feel the tears slowly gathering in the pool of her eyes. She had to use every ounce of energy she possessed at the time to hold it in check. She can’t cry in front of him. She must stay strong. Her heart felt like being poked by a million thorns but she kept her face straight.

Ben sighed deeply. “Ok, we’ll try one last time,” he agreed albeit reluctantly. He saw the ring on her finger and had to look away. Looking at her in pain, knowing he was the cause of it and he was helpless to do anything about it is tearing him apart.

The closest thing that he can describe his feelings as, were that of pity. Other than that, he felt nothing at all towards her. He didn’t know what to do. He tried, but he could not remember anything. He could not summon up his feelings to love her, like everyone claimed he should. From their pictures, he could see that they were very much in love, and they were happy. But he can’t feel all that now. He just can’t.

To be continued...

Part 6

He didn’t let his phone ring for too long. That particular ringtone was specifically set for her. It was sort of ‘their song’ because they listened to it on the cafe on their first date and hummed to the tunes at the same time.

“Hello beautiful,” he said, smiling into the phone.

“Hey there handsome,” her singsong voice returned. He switched the phone to another ear.

“I’ve missed you,” he gushed with a sigh, letting himself fall into his bed. He’d just got back from their third date of the week, and already he was hoping to see her again. As far as he can remember, this was the first time he’d felt so strongly about a girl. He wanted to get to know her better. He wanted to see her every day if possible. Being so far apart from her, as she lives in another town made his heart ache.

He heard her chuckled softly, and he felt a flutter in his heart. A longing. “Me too, what are you doing?” she asked, her voice sounded like an angel to his ears.

“Thinking about you,” he said lazily.

“Oh please...” she laughed again.

They continued talking about nothing. Half an hour later, he heard another call coming in and they had to stop. It was Elisa.

With a sigh, he hit the reject button, put the phone on silent mode and left it on his bedside table. He went out to get a drink.

“Bro?” Dave called out. “Your phone’s vibrating,”

Finishing his drink calmly, he looked at his brother who was just coming out of his room. “Leave it be. It’s nothing important,”

“It’s your fiancée?” Dave said questioningly. Ben just shrugged his shoulders.

“What happened to between you and her?” Dave demanded, while taking a seat in front of him.

“Nothing,” he said simply.

“Then why won’t you answer her call?” Dave asked.

Ben didn’t respond.

“Bro?”

“Look, I met someone, OK. I can’t remember Elisa or anything that’d happened between us. I am tired of trying to remember. I’m tired of having her trying to make me remember. I have had enough. I want to live my life.” His chest was heaving with the intensity of his emotion.

“She was your life, brother. You have to do right by her,” Dave responded. He was staring at his brother with concern in his eyes that Ben had to look away. No one understand the anguish that he had to go through, trying to remember, being shoved with things that were supposed to make him remember, but meeting with a blank each time. No one knows how painful it was to not knowing about his own past, his own life. He just wanted to live, to have a clean break. Why can’t anyone see that?

“I can’t,” was all he said. “Please don’t make me. You don’t understand what I am going through,” he added sadly. His brother stared at him for a long time before he shrugged.

“If you say so. I just hope that you will not regret it,” he said, not unkindly.

To be continued...

Part 5

“Mom, you’re cooking Dave’s favourite food today? How about mine?” he asked while his mom was busy peeling onions at the sink.

His mother turned to look at him, “You remember?”

He felt a shiver down his spine at the thought of it, but yes, he can remember some things since he woke up this morning. He saw his electric guitar and remembered that he got it from his dad on his 18^th birthday. He looked at the family photos and recalled some of the events occurring in the photos. He didn’t want to have his hopes up too high.  So he didn’t tell anyone about it.

“A little,” he answered simply. “By the way, I’m going out with someone later today,” he said, and his mom looked surprised.

“I thought Elisa is working today?”  she asked, staring at him questioningly.

“Not with her,” he hesitated and decided to come clean. “I’m kind of getting to know a girl, Laura. This is our first meet up,”

His mother frowned. “And how about Elisa?” she half demanded.

He sighed. “I can’t remember anything about her, or about us. I found this Laura girl, and I think that she is a very interesting person,” he saw his mom was about to say something, so he immediately added, “I won’t do anything, mom, I’m just meeting her as a friend,” he said, rather unconvincingly.

After a while, his mother sighed. “Well then, just remember that you are someone’s fiancé,” she said with concern etched in her eyes.

He didn’t say anything.

To be continued...

Part 4

“This picture is taken on the prom night,” she showed him; their smiling faces were staring back at him. In the picture, he was garbed in a dark blue blazer, and a pale purple shirt with the top buttons undone. Next to him, she was standing in her maroon dress and a pair of maroon shoes that she said was a gift from him, all made up. They looked happy.

After a while she put the picture down, showing him another one. “This one was taken on your birthday celebration, right before you went for interview into the army.” This time they were on a riverbed somewhere, their faces smeared with cream from a birthday cake. Her hair was tied into two ponytails whereas his was cut short. They looked happy.

And then she showed him another one, of him and her focusing on a laptop screen. She was wearing a yellow overcoat and a black headscarf whereas he was wearing a cream jacket. They both were huddled together, seeming to be cold. They seemed to be smiling secretly, and they looked happy.

Next, she showed another picture of them, with him in his white ceremonial uniform, holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand with her by his side, smiling into the camera. She was wearing a grey shirt and cream pants, with a black and white headscarf. They looked happy.

Finally, she showed him a picture of her graduation. He knew that because she was garbed in a dark maroon robe, holding a bouquet of flowers, with him making a funny face at the camera. He was smartly dressed in a dark green shirt and a pair of whitewashed black jeans. Again, they looked happy. Apparently, that was the last pictures of them together taken before the accident; before he lost his memory.

At this moment, she was staring at him expectantly, which made it even harder for him to shake his head no. No, he cannot remember. No, the pictures did not ring any bells. No, he didn’t want to try again. No, no no.

He was so tired of trying to remember. He was so tired of feeling helpless and lost because he could not remember, while expectations on him were mounting. For the time being, he has got a couple of month’s unpaid leave from work, until his recovery. What’s going to happen when he had to go back to work and he can’t function properly because he cannot remember? What then?

She wanted to say something, but he had to cut her off. He just could not take another story from her about them because it was pointless. She’s been coming for a visit every week. He was tired. He needed a break.

Hoping that he is not breaking her heart, he simply said “I’m tired,” and she stopped in her track. She seemed disappointed, but was determined at hiding it from the world, so she smiled.

“Okay, we’ll try again next week,” she said cheerfully, carefully arranging the photos back into the album.

“I can’t. Next week, I mean. I’ve got things to do,” he said quickly. He was meeting Laura. There was no way he’d tell her that.

“Oh, Ok. The week after that, then, if you don’t mind?” she suggested. He wanted to say no, but thought better of it.

“I’ll confirm with you later?”

She was thoughtful, but nodded anyway. “Ok, see you,”

She then went to say goodbye to his mother and left.

To be continued...

Part 3

“Where are we going?” he asked, as she carefully manoeuvred the car into a parking spot. They were near a football stadium. And it was empty.

She was smiling tenderly as she killed the engine. “This is our first meeting spot. As in, we always hang out here when we meet back then when we were in school,” she said, reminiscing. “Did it ring any bells?” she asked. He just felt blank, so he shook his head.

“Come on,” she invited and they got out of the car. They walked, him in silence whereby she was talking non-stop showing those places where he used to wait on his bike for her to arrive, where they used to have badminton matches in the early morning and where they would buy breakfast after such games. Finally, the returned to the parking spot, and she spread her hands, gesturing in the general direction of the place.

“This was where we always come to have a talk,” she smiled tenderly as he looked around the place. There was nothing much to see there. It was an empty parking lot, after all. She pointed a spot near a steep bank where there was a small elevated concrete structure that can be seated on. “We burnt some old pictures here, too,” she added with a faraway look in her eyes.

“Why did we do that? Burn the pictures, I mean,” he asked tentatively, as he still felt no stirring of memories at any of the places she had shown or the stories she had told him.

“You hated them, because they were pictures of me with other guys,” she said. “You were quite possessive back then, in a good way,” she added quickly and chuckled almost to herself.

They continued walking and eventually came to a halt at her car. She looked at him with so much love in her eyes, he had to look away, because he did not want her to see that he felt nothing, he remembered nothing, and he could not do anything about it.

“Ben,” she called, so softly, he almost did not hear it. He looked at her, and had to look away again. I love you, I missed you. She almost said, but somehow the words were stuck in her throat. “Do you want to get something to drink?” she asked instead.

He shook his head. “I think I’d better go home.” He said carefully, not wanting to hurt her feelings. She seemed to be thoughtful for a while, but she nodded anyway.

“Ok, I’ll drop you home,” she smiled and started the engine. They drove in silence. He can feel that she wanted to say something but thought better of it. So he didn’t say anything to encourage her. He was not prepared to hear it. He can tell what was it that she’d wanted to say. It was better to let the case rest.

Once they reached his house, he got out of the car. “Thanks” he said. She inclined her head and smiled. “See you,” he added, closing the door between them.

The moment he – without even once looking back at her – got into his house, she rested her head on the steering, and burst into tears.

To be continued...

Part 2

“I have a fiancée?” a week after being discharged, he asked, shocked. “What am I, twenty?”

“Twenty three,” his mother corrected. “And you were the one who could not wait,” she added, while stirring the gravy in the pot. He continued slicing the onions and the vegetables. They’re preparing for dinner whereby his ‘fiancée’ is coming over once her job is finished. Apparently she is working part time as a child-minder at a local nursery while waiting to be called on her proper job in January.

“And she is?” he asked, still slightly shocked.

“A year younger than you,” his mother responded kindly. He still can’t remember his own family; rather, he only accepted the fact that they were, indeed his family members. They were hundreds of photos flashed at him, and some other memorabilia that fitted the picture. Besides that, the house felt familiar. The kitchen, his bedroom and the living room area felt like normal, as if he’d been there for ages. Hence he believed that.

But she was a different matter. He felt nothing towards her, no memories, and no feelings. They tried to meet up once, when she came for a visit at his house. He just felt, nothing. Though she seemed to be a really kind and good-looking person. He just could not imagine anything about her. And supposedly they were engaged for a few months already, and the wedding was planned for March about 5 months away.

Apparently, he had an accident when they were on their way back from celebrating her graduation day. The two of them were driving at night when he was hit while crossing a junction. They both passed out, she suffered several wounds but otherwise was fine. He had a severe blow to his head, and they both passed out after the accident. The only problem is he lost his memories that night. No one will know whether he will remember again or not. Not even the specialists.

For the time being, he felt confused. His jumbled thoughts were driving him mad sometimes, and he felt so vulnerable. He can’t remember much of who he is, his past, nor his friends. Plenty of them came for a visit, telling him about himself and how they used to be with him. Everyone was so kind to him. Not being able to remember kind of driving him mad, sometimes.

He heard his phone beeped, signalling a text message coming in. Ah, it must be her. A couple of days before, someone accidently sent a text message to his phone. She was a girl, looking for his girl friend. They exchanged a few text messages, and he called her once last night. She seemed to be a very interesting girl. Her name was Laura.

“Ben?” his mom called, appearing to be concerned. “Are you ok?” she asked, wiping her hands on the paper towel. “I was calling you but you seemed so far away,”

He smiled at his mother. “I’m fine. I was just thinking.” He responded, assuring.

“If you say so,” his mother responded. “Ah, that must be your fiancée,” she said as the doorbell rang. She went to get the door while he sat, not knowing what to think.

To be continued...

Part 1

                The sliver of bright light was blinding. He blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the surrounding. Where is he? What happened? Why his body felt as though he had just got flattened by a bulldozer? His head ached as those questions played in his mind. He tried to move his fingers. They felt so heavy. His throat felt raw and he had to lick his lips several times with his dry as sand tongue.

                “You’re awake!” a girl said, in profound relieve tinged with heavy disbelief. “OH, god, we thought... Oh god,” he heard the unmistakable tears in her voice as she then went out of the room to call some other people. He blinked several time feeling empty.

                A few seconds later and a number of people were surrounding him, staring in disbelief. A woman in her late forties was sobbing uncontrollably, with fat tears running down her face. He felt at a loss. He couldn’t recognise any of them. His parched throat felt raw. With upmost effort, he tried to muster his energy to speak up.

                “Water...” was all he could manage, and that was all that it took for the whole group to fuss about him, offering him sips of water, another girl laughing hysterically at the sight of him while the men watched on, disbelieve deeply etched on their faces. The girl that he first saw sitting at his bedside stayed at a corner, watching them and smiling broadly despite her tears. Who is she? Who are these people?

                A doctor and a nurse suddenly came in, checking his vitals and asking him several questions. How was he feeling? Did he know who he is? Did he know where he is? Did he remember what happened? He responded accordingly, that he was feeling tired and battered, but otherwise relatively OK, no, he can’t remember anything. Where is he?

                “You’re in a hospital. You were involved in a hit and run with a severe blow to your head and you were in a coma for nearly a month. Other than a few scratches here and there, your body is fine.” the doctor responded kindly. “And these are your family members,” he gestured to the general direction of the crowd around the room.

                He nodded vaguely as the doctor continued checking him here and there, his pupils, and his respiration and so on. A few minutes later, seeming to be satisfied, the doctor announced, “If everything goes well, you can go home this evening,” the doctor said. The room buzzed with cheerful conversation.

His gaze roamed the place. He can guess that the woman and the balding guy were his parents. The two boys who look so much like him were his brothers and a girl who sat in the between his brothers was his youngest sister. Finally, his gaze settled on the girl at the corner of the room. Tears were still gently running down her face. She seemed to be familiar with his family, but he could not remember anything about her. Is she a cousin? A friend?

Who is she?

To be continued...